First off I want to say sorry.

Secondly, I find myself single. I am once again alone in this world. It took me a long time to learn to trust people again, and now 5 years of my life are over and gone in 24 hours. Once again my life has fallen apart and I’m holding on to my sanity with the skin of my teeth atm. I feel numb and sick and cold. A large part of my personality was based around my partner, a lot of my mannerisms, sayings, everything in my room reminds me of him. And now he’s gone I frankly don’t want to live anymore.

So my DA gallery, FA, LJ etc etc will be removed in a months time. I am closing commissions on my Plushies forever. Current orders will be finished and sent out as planned. But no more. I have also resigned from JCC committee and removed myself from other convention registrations. several of my dolls will be sold.

E-mail addresses will remain active for 4 months. I want to remove all trace of myself from online. I don't want to be here anymore. It was never enough and in the end I failed, again. Once again I'm to blame and I just don't feel capable of rational thoughts. I'm thinking of "turning myself in" tomorrow. I cant sleep so I haven't thought that plan through yet. I just want to be so gone out of my head on painkillers that things blur into nothing.

Anime is for kids. Happy endings and love do not exist. Its taken me 10 years to work that one out.

I want everything gone. I’m sorry to everyone, looks like as usual I’ve let everyone down. I really just don’t think I deserve to breath. I hate myself. And don’t know if I will get through this. At the moment its just too much.